Another Nightmare

Content advisory: The following post contains a description of an attempted child murder.

I had such a terrible dream last night. I can't get it out of my mind. What a particularly terrible way to kill a child: to evaluate that she is smaller than you and that if you both were to get “lost” in the woods, she would starve or freeze long before you would. You wouldn't even have to touch her. Only once she'd succumbed would you, a child yourself, “find” your way back and cry real tears—for yourself.

It's an impotent way to kill someone. That's why when he was found out, he didn't argue. He bit me. He didn't bite me hard. He toothed me like a small dog. I don't think he ever seriously considered getting away with it. I think he was just willing to suffer that much to watch her die that way. Stranglers assert the superiority of their bodies over those of their victims. That boy did the same, just more slowly, with more restraint. 

Maybe before he got hungry and meaner, he thought he'd never drop the act. Maybe for weeks he fantasized about holding her and crying with her as her body failed. But she lived, and we know that he became overtly cruel, even if their mother doesn't want to accept it. I cannot imagine that he will accept her survival. I'm convinced that, given the opportunity, once they have both recovered, he will kill her. No one is listening to her, and I can't stay here forever.