Week of March 9th, 2020

It was good to see you this week. And what a week it has been. I will not do what I have started to fall into and give a news recap for the week since there is simply too much news, and everyone’s aware of it, so I’m sure you already know this. I’m going to try to keep this brief. We shall see if I succeed.

For me, I feel like I’ve been in a dreamlike state for the past few days. The current situation feels surreal and strange, and I don’t know how I’m going to get back in the groove of schoolwork next week as I stay here. At this point, I have no plans of returning to school until possibly the summer. It’s weird being home for an extended time again. It feels like a time warp. It’s like High School all over again. Hopefully jumping into a routine will put me back at ease.

Here’s CNN praising President Woodrow Fucking Wilson, literally claiming that God chose him to be President. Those who reject that media has a political bias are being willfully ignorant.

Alex Jones got a DWI.

Before President Trump’s shitstorm of an address in which he got virtually all information about his own policy wrong, he was being broadcast on CSPAN without his knowledge. Here’s a recording of that. He was also caught on video after the presentation, which was fairly funny.

OJ Simpson tweeted a joke about running away from police.

Remember that the only reason people ever thought Senator Sanders was viable was his ability to win Michigan in the primary in 2016. Well, we confirmed this week that Biden won every single county in Michigan, Missouri, and Mississippi. There are still so many “Bernie could still win, guys” people on Twitter, and I honestly feel bad for them. “This is like Obama vs Clinton in ’08.” Really it’s just sad to see.

Here’s something I cannot believe isn’t satire. A website LITERALLY CALLED Above the Law, posted a podcast with the title “Yup, Constitutional Diehards Are A Cult” because fuck democratic lawmaking, I guess. The podcast is described as follows:

The Jabot podcast is an offshoot of the Above the Law brand focused on the challenges, women, people of color, LGBTQIA, and other diverse populations face in the legal industry. Our name comes from none other than the Notorious Ruth Bader Ginsburg and the jabot (decorative collar) she wears when delivering dissents from the bench.

I cannot believe that I am not making this up.

Forgive me for sharing a video posted by Andrew Kaczynski, but this must be seen. Any other week this would have been a story, but not this one. The Masked Singer, if you don’t know, is a show in which celebrities compete in a singing competition without revealing their identity to the judges or the audience. Well at the end of this week’s episode, the singer was revealed to be Sarah Palin who then immediately started singing “Baby Got Back.” Again, I am not fucking joking.

HOLY SHIT THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS. EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED THIS WHOLE WEEK AND THEN THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS ARE FAKE. To be clear, this story isn’t about all the scrolls. The ones in Israel are OK, which is most of them. But you may remember that in the early ‘00s, the Museum of the Bible in D.C. bought a bunch. All of them are fake. All sixteen of them. And approximately 70 around the world. This is huge news that also missed the cycle this week. The story from National Geographic is fascinating.

Finally, French mayor defends holding massive Smurf rally despite Coronavirus, saying “We must not stop living.”

And here is a video sent to you without context.

Thanks,
Jacob Morris